I Wonder If Monks Have Groups, Too

I should have become a monk.

That's what the results of one of many career planning tests said when I was thirty and going through one of many interim life crises. But I didn't become a monk or do much else with those tests for a while; I spent a few more years in the world of finance and then started devoting more time to writing.

For years I've been reading about, and listening to, debates on the value of a writers group, and the most recent group I was in was exactly what I needed at the time. I miss the old group. We'd meet monthly around the same long dining room table and nibble on our hostess's tasty treats. We'd spend a short while getting caught up on the personal lives of one another, which ranged from financial and divorce woes to the antics of our children to suicidal thoughts and new puppies. And then we'd get to the business at hand of critiquing each other's work.

One of our members had an eye for detailed edits. Another's criticisms were often stinging but true. One was particularly supportive, and another member always seemed so keen and wise. We were represented by degrees in English and journalism, and MFAs and PhDs, and no degree at all. Some of us were married, some divorced. One was an empty nester, one had young children, one had no children at all. We both embraced and rejected religion; we were Republicans and Democrats; we came from Northeastern Canada and the midwest and the Pacific Northwest. We wrote poetry and nonfiction and fiction. We were diverse and yet we were writers, and serious about our work, and we were good for each other. And when the group broke up, I felt like I was getting a divorce.

It's been nearly two years since we last critiqued each other's work, and I decided it was time to join another writers group. But I also realized it's not that simple. I'd need to figure out what kind of group to join. In person or online? Monthly meetings or more or less often? A group that's highly organized and professional or a group where anything goes? Writers with similar experiences as mine? Writers of the same genre?

As it turned out, I was invited to join three writers groups this month. "When it rains, it pours," my mother always said. It was a good feeling, and if there were 48 hours in a day I might have chosen to join all three, for each has its advantages. I decided I could handle two at most, especially if one was an online forum. I would devote my  nonfiction to that group.

But I still needed to decide between the remaining two, and it wasn't an easy decision because of my own conflicting priorities. Was it my work, or my ego, or my need for social contact with other writers that would be the defining factor? I can't deny it - my ego likes to be stroked. And the life of a writer, especially when you're in a new city and you can no longer rely on field trips and Cub Scout meetings and water polo matches to make new friends, can be very lonely. But then again, my work needs work. If my characters will ever have the chance to become known to the real world, then I have to do whatever it takes to polish their imaginary worlds for them. I need to find the group that's best for them. Maybe it's the mother in me, putting my characters first as I still do with my children.

I think I know the answer. I think I know which group I'll go with, and now all I need to do is to write those decisive emails.

It would have been so much easier if I'd just decided to become a monk.